I need help. My boyfriend wants me all to himself even though his best friend is my husband. I am polyamorous and so is my husband so when my boyfriend agreed to it we assumed he was okay with it. now he’s angry all the time. Help???

Lots going on here. First off, if someone is being possessive (wants you “all to himself”) and is “angry all the time,” that sounds like an unhealthy situation, and you’re well within your rights to take some space from it, in whatever way works best for you.

Second, “assuming” someone is okay with a relationship arrangement rarely works out - clear communication is crucial, even if you think all parties already understand the terms of a relationship and are close already.

Talk to your boyfriend - try not to let things escalate into a fight, just be two people with needs laying them out on the table. Tell him that you are polyamorous and if he wants to be with you, he needs to accept the terms of that relationship as you explain them. Ask him what needs of his are going unfulfilled that makes him feel angry and like he’s not getting enough from you.

Then, you’ll be able to make a clear decision, together, about whether you two can continue a romantic partnership in a way that’s healthy for you. 

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