I love my previously mono hubby but he has never been a very emotional/physical person and isn’t very open to changes. My bf however is very emotional and physical. Well recently my H has started to talk to people a little (one girl in particular) just as friends for now but he “might want to date someone in future”. And i admit I am jealous and confused. I am worried he will give this other girl what I wanted from him for a long time but accepted he couldn’t give me and he will leave me. I know it is hypocritical. But it makes me feel inadequate to think that he could give to someone else what i wanted. It makes me feel like saying ok i will be mono so i don’t have to see that happen…but then, i love my bf and he loves me so no. This feels so complicated. I feel like i’m constantly having an anxiety attack and have started taking my panic meds daily instead of like 2x a month like i used to. Please help
The first thing you should do is see the doctor who prescribed your medication for panic attacks. Suddenly increasing your dose like that, and experiencing your symptoms with such a new intensity, is something you deserve help and support with. Even though you know what’s going on in your life to spike your anxiety, mental health issues are nothing to mess around with.
Second, it sounds like there are a few issues here. One is that there is something your husband isn’t giving you, but you never specify what that is. It might be worth taking another crack at explaining to your husband that he’s not meeting your needs, and working with him to figure out a change that works better for both of you.
The other issue is that you’re worried that your husband will suddenly find himself emotionally and physically capable of providing for his new girlfriend what he can’t provide for you, and that he’ll realize he wants to leave you for her. All I can say to that is: you’re not psychic, and you can’t predict the future. All we have is the present, and you’ve always been able to handle that. Try to let yourself “cross that bridge when you come to it,” and not worry about things that haven’t happened yet.
I know “don’t worry about the future” is easier said than done, especially for someone who deals with anxiety severe enough to be treated with medications. But I’d encourage you to work on it with a therapist, try some CBT strategies, and when all else fails, remember this Welcome to Night Vale quote that really helps me:
The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first, and settles in as the gentle present. This now, this us, we can cope with that.