Im crazy about my boyfriend, we’ve been together for a year or so now, hes straight and monogamous but Im bipoly, though ive never had a poly relationship. Its worked so far, but my best friend and I have completely fallen for eachother over recent months. My best friend knows Im poly and I adore him but cant be with him because of my monogamous boyfriend and hes okay with it, but I dont feel I can tell my boyfriend how I feel without loosing him. Got any words of wisdom? - Very confused.
I’m generally one for radical honesty and open communication, but I think in this situation, there may not be a good reason to tell your boyfriend how you feel. If you’ve chosen to be monogamous for your boyfriend and have therefore decided that you won’t pursue anything with your best friend, then I don’t see what would be gained from telling your boyfriend “hey, there’s this other person I totally want to date, but don’t worry, I won’t!” We all have private desires and frustrations that we don’t share because we aren’t going to act on them, and we know nothing productive would come from sharing them.
Now, if you’re having second thoughts about monogamy and want to revisit the issue of opening up the relationship, that’s a different issue - one I’ve discussed elsewhere on this blog - but it sounds from your language like you’ve come to the conclusion that you “can’t be with” your best friend. So try to let this go, and don’t make it your boyfriend’s business unless there’s a good reason for him to head about this.