My boyfriend and I are both poly(or so, he claims), but he’s insecure with me loving other people. thing is, i don’t really like commitment, and he tends to hate everyone i like, so i feel very trapped in this relationship. but he treats me really nice and we both love each others a lot, so i really don’t want to break up with him. i don’t know if i should just wait and see if he becomes more secure, or actually end up leaving because i feel trapped.

If you feel trapped in a relationship, that’s generally a good sign that you should walk away. Waiting to see if someone changes is rarely a good relationship strategy. It is possible for people to change, but we can’t make them change, and if he’s not actively working on this with you, it doesn’t sound like your patience is going to be the key to solving the problem.

There’s a lot more going on in this letter: what does it mean that he’s insecure with you “loving” other people? Does that mean he only wants you to date casually? Also, being poly and not liking commitment are very different things. How committed you are to your boyfriend and whether you want to date other people are unrelated concepts - it sounds like you may be confusing the two. But digging into these is ultimately irrelevant: if you feel trapped and are considering waiting around for your partner to change, my advice is to walk away from the relationship.

Don’t forget Poly Advice now has a Patreon! If you liked this post & want to see more, consider becoming a backer