some lovely fanmail

I don't usually publish letters that don't have a question, but here are a handful of lovely notes from lovely readers! If you like my blog, please consider supporting me on Patreon!

Just want to say I'm relieved to have found this blog. It has been a week since I realized I am polyamory and this blog is helping me to understand this new bit I just learned about myself. I can't believe I'm 26 and going down another journey of self-discovery ahahaha I thought I was done with it after realizing I was bisexual, but apparently not. Just thanks for existing!

I'm so happy for you, and glad my blog could help you on this journey of self-discovery. I've known I'm polyamorous for most of my life, but realized I was bisexual at age 27, so we're in this together!

Hi honestly i just wanted to message you again and say thanks i left my partner a few weeks ago and honestly its probably the best thing i ever did he was incredibly possessive and used his own insecurities to control me he made me miserable but i was stuck because i didnt want to hurt him. Now im much happier i have my one boy who doesnt make me cry and im so happy but without you without your blog im not sure i would have had the courage to do it or even to see it for what it was. Thank you.

I'm so, so happy for you! Hugs kudos for having the strength and courage to leave a relationship that made you miserable. Never stay with someone who makes you cry! 

This isn't really a request for advice, but I just wanted to say that thanks to your blog my boyfriend has gained a better understanding and acceptance of polyamory, and this week he and my other boyfriend and I all shared a bed for the first time (non-sexually) and it was just really nice waking up between the two people I love most and seeing them interact with each other in a healthy and loving way. I hope our relationship continues in this manner.

This is so lovely! I love cuddling up with multiple partners/metamours, and I'm so happy my blog could help you and your boyfriends make this happen for yourselves and each other!

Not an ask, but just wanted to say thank you! I just started my first poly relationship and your blog helped me so much in understanding and articulating my feelings.

I love hearing things like this! Understanding and articulating your feelings are SUCH powerful skills, and you should be super proud of yourself for developing them.

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How do you get over the feeling that your relationships are inherently unsustainable? I feel so isolated sometimes that I wonder if dating both my partners is futile bc no one I ever see seems to have the same situation

Can you identify whether there are people, or media, or other influences in your life that are the source of this feeling? What, or who, has implied to you that your relationships are inherently unsustainable? Cut that influence out of your life as soon and as much as possible.

Having any kind of identity, relationship, or lifestyle that you don’t see frequently and positively reflected in the world can feel isolating and alienating. And you’re right, it can be hard to see depictions of other people in similar situations. But they are out there!

The way you “get over that feeling” is by actively seeking out positive, healthy messages and amplifying them in your own life, while at the same time avoiding and challenging negative messages. I give a lot of advice about doing that in this post and this post!

Check my resources here as well and consider joining a polyamorous forum or meetup group to meet other like-minded friends. Here is some information on finding polyamorous representation in media. And if you find that fear, shame, and isolation continue to be serious problems for you, talk to a polyamory-informed mental health professional.

positivity post!

i’m trying to do more of these - i always love getting fanmail and happy messages. i never used to post them before, but the world is just so sad and scary these days that i figured why not spread the love?

when you see this, tell someone something nice! a coworker, a blogger you follow, someone from your past you’ve been meaning to re-connect with, whoever.

also, i’d like to go on record stating that this blog loves steven universe and thinks everyone should watch it forever. please always feel free to use SU character names instead of letter initials in your questions!

I love you even more now for making that Steven Universe reference! :D


Just wanted to say I think this blog gives great advice. I’m beginning to think of myself as a polyamorous person, and it’s nice to see such a caring community helping people understand and navigate their relationships. No response is required, just saying thanks for doing what you’re doing.


thanks for cultivating such a supportive helpful and healthy blog, it feels like it would be necessary to help people navigate non-monogamy, so I’m glad you’re doing it


I love your blog, it is very helpful and you do a great job running it! :)