Thank you for all your advice. I am in a polyamorous relationship and insecurity comes up a lot for me. I realize that the more I work on building my confidence the smoother things are for me. Do you have any tips on dealing with insecurity?
Therapy! I should probably get a tattoo across my forehead that says “You too can benefit from therapy!” (Actually, my therapist says I shouldn’t do that.) If you have the resources, find a therapist - ideally a poly friendly one - and work with them on confidence and insecurity!
If you don’t have the resources, you can try other things, like online therapy, self-help books and workbooks, or counseling programs through your employer or school. Yoga and meditation, done with the intention of building your sense of security and confidence, can also do wonders.
Try to dig down to find the root of your insecurity. Did an earlier trauma leave you with a fear of abandonment? Are you a perfectionist who worries you’ll never be good enough or lovable enough? (If so, read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown). Are you caught in a pattern of interpreting your partner’s behavior as coded clues that they secretly hate you? (The CBT/DBT skill of separating ‘fact’ from ‘story’ is helpful with that.) Once you know what wound you’re healing, you can look for therapists, meditations, books, etc. that specifically address that issue.
Being aware of your insecurity and wanting to heal it is a huge first step. You should be proud of yourself for doing the self-work to be your best, healthiest self. Good luck!