Hi, I’m in quite a predicament. I have these two friends, a girl and a guy, and they are dating. The girl and I have flirted with the girl before but never became serious and stopped hanging out for a while. However, we have been hanging out lately, like last night, and she kept flirting and telling me she would date me if it wasn’t for her boyfriend. I think they are both very attractive physically and mentally. What can I do to let them know I’m interested in a poly relationship?
Unfortunately, I am not sure there is a polite or appropriate way to bring this up. Most monogamous people don’t take kindly to a friend of their partner saying “hey, I want to date your partner, and you too!” Since you have no evidence that this couple leans toward non-monogamy or would be interested in a poly relationship with you, I don’t think there’s a good way to try and suggest new terms for someone else’s relationship.
Since it sounds like you and this girl have a close enough relationship for her to tell you she’d like to date you, it’s possible you could bring it up with her - but it’s entirely possible she would feel like you were out of line. And if she tells her boyfriend that you’ve brought it up, he might feel threatened by you. There’s a lot of risk here that you make people you care about uncomfortable and damage the friendship you have with this couple, but if you decide that’s a risk you want to assume, that’s totally your call!
If you decide that this isn’t something you want to try and go for, it’s totally okay for you to set new boundaries with this girl. Since she’s not going to leave her boyfriend for you, and she knows you’re interested in her, it’s not very nice of her to flirt with you and tell you she’d date you if not for her boyfriend. It’s okay for you to take some distance from her and let her know that you’re uncomfortable being treated like that.
And if this experience has made you realized that your desire to date a couple isn’t limited to these two people, rest assured that there are LOTS of couples out there looking for a third!