I’ve been in a relationship with someone for awhile now. I’ve talked to them about polyamory cause that’s always been something that felt right to me. And while they said they liked polyamory and in any other circumstance they’d be okay with it but “not with me” they like me “too much” which frustrates me. I’m not really sure how to feel. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong for being angry or if they are for putting me on a pedestal or s/t. I was wondering what your opinion on my situation would be.
It is very possible for two people to have different feelings or thoughts about a situation without one necessarily being “wrong.” It can often be more productive to identify where everyone is coming from, and what their needs are, than trying to figure out whose reaction is more ‘appropriate’ or ‘rational.’
It sounds like your partner has a different understanding of polyamory than you do, and thinks of it more like casual dating. This isn’t a super accurate interpretation of polyamory as it functions for most people, but it’s okay for your partner to feel this way: that their feelings for you prevent them from being okay with a poly arrangement.
The issue here isn’t who’s in the right or wrong, but whether this is something you are willing to compromise on. Your partner has said that polyamory isn’t something they’re comfortable doing, and you can’t argue people out of their feelings, even if you have all powers of logic and the support of an online advice columnist behind you - nor should you try. No matter the reason, your partner isn’t okay opening up the relationship, so you need to decide whether this is a dealbreaker or a sacrifice you can make.