I’ve been with my partner for almost a year now and I still don’t have their phone number or social media accounts? I’ve talked with one of their other partners before but sometimes I wonder if maybe they’re a fake and that’s why they won’t tell me any of their information? I feel like at this point I should at least have their phone number but I don’t? It just is really weird for me? What do you suggest I do? I’ve asked about it before and they just got really defensive.

Try bringing it up again, in as gentle and non-accusatory a way as possible. “Hey, I know this is kind of a weird subject for us, but I really like being able to connect with my partner(s) by texting and seeing what’s on their Facebook or Instagram. Is that something you’re comfortable with sharing?”

If they say no, ask them why not. If you can have an open conversation about each of your preferences when it comes to privacy, great! But if they respond to something reasonable - a request that you talk about this; not a demand for their information - with unhealthy communication strategies like avoidance or accusations, then you have a lot of information about this person’s capacity for handling openness about tough topics.

If this is a dealbreaker for you, or you are worried that something is fishy or unhealthy, that’s okay. You don’t need to stay in a situation that isn’t working for you. And you don’t need to go all private-eye on them; it’s not a requirement that you “prove” something is going on if the information about the situation is enough for you to decide it’s not working. No one is obligated to give you their phone number or social media; but you’re not obligated to stay in a relationship with a level of secrecy that makes you uncomfortable.